Thursday, December 07, 2006

Out In Space

It's cold. Probably back when I posted last it was still kind of warm- considering that was going on two months ago. A lot has happened. Nothing bad- all good. Let's see: Quit racing bikes (very happy about that), Got a puppy (also very good), Put on a surprise party for Leslie's 30th B-Day (Perfect), Bought a bunch of new hunting stuff (cool) Put up Christmas lights on my house for the first time while having a conversation with some witnesses of Jahova (ironic), Played in the snow until I was sick (you don't get the chance to play in that much snow around here every year). Lots of stuff and more. Quitting bike racing is great. I think a lot more people would do it if they had the balls. I think a lot of people are hanger-ons. You know, "I don't want to ride or race, but I can't seem to stop." I was just like, "I don't want to do this anymore, so I'm not going to." Racing and riding has been fun. Now I'm looking forward to other interests I've put on the back burner for years.

Friday, October 20, 2006


It doesn't matter if you can't read what it says. It's probably better if you don't read much fine print anyway.
Nothing like having the chance to sleep in to 7:00 and waking up at 5:00. Eh, who cares? I could be doing a lot of things right now. Sleeping would be good, but I have an easy day ahead. I have nothing else to say right now. Butthead's picture of prime rib is gross! I hate that photo and I'll be glad when it's archived.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Crap to write, crap to read

I've been writing blogs and saving them as drafts because I hate crap, and that's basically what I've been writing. I'd rather not write at all than write crap because you know- all the big time critics are reading this and I don't want to mess up my chance for a pro blog deal. Besides, I've been wanting to upload some pics, but I'm always writing from work and I don't have my camera with me.
Tonight is the last football game of the season. Last year we were undefeated going 11-0 between the 7th and 8th grades. This year we are probably going to finish up 11-1 if we win both games tonight. We lost one 7th grade game in the last couple of minutes of play. Not bad though considering before last season it had been over 20 years since the middle school had an undefeated season. I'm glad it's going to be over after tonight- I'm tired. That's all there is to it. It'll be weird to get home before 4:00pm now. The work day will seem very short.
Quite a bit going on actually, I've been buying tools: leaf blower, weedeater, chainsaw. Fun tools. The chainsaw is wicked. Stihl 290. I can really whip some ass with that thing. Tree ass that is. Never point a chainsaw at something you don't intend to cut. Or maybe that was pointing guns. Either way you have to be careful. If you need a tree cut up or cut down call me. You can't borrow my saw but you can watch me use it on your tree.
I've been looking at a lot. There's good stuff on there.
Does Jimmy still live here?
Golf is going good. I made Meathead mad the last time we played because I had a couple of shots that were better than his. He can still kill it though.
I haven't ridden my bike in about six or seven weeks. I don't care really- it's just that time of year where football takes over for a short while.
We're getting a puppy in a few weeks. He's already picked out, but we can't have him until around Thanksgiving time. He should taste good with some gravy and stuffing. Looking forward to it.
Peeps are moving away, but I won't say who since peeps are posting about it themselves. Not my job to report the news of others. I'm not Geraldo.
Funny stuff at school...let's see...oh yeah. The other day I was telling the kids in one class how to do something on their homework. I said, "It should be pretty obvious what the answer is when you look at it." So a kid says (girl), "So, can just write, "it's obvious" for the answer on our paper?" ""
I think I mentioned before that I have breakfast duty this year. Or maybe that was just one of my drafts. It's turning out to be a good deal. It's cool to get free breakfast and actually seeing the kids before the actual day starts is a good thing. I just walk around while they eat and talk to them. I have to make sure they wipe down the tables and push in their chairs. Other than that it's way easy.
Jeff Buckley died way too early. His music is really good in the fall for some reason.
Should I build new tubular wheels for next year or just buy out of the box wheels?
The Mizzou game isn't on TV this coming weekend. What the hell? No. I won't buy a ticket and just go. I got too spoiled from getting free tickets for two years.
Five minutes to lunch. Frito chili pie?

Friday, September 08, 2006

We're all winners!

I did the MS 150 for the first time last weekend. You could also say I did the MS 150 for the last time. Overall, the experience was good. It was cool riding with Ozenpro and Morgan. It was not cool having some super choad roll his eyes at me and shake his head when I told him I didn't drink Gatorade. He was like, "But where do you get your calories from?" "Uh, not Gatorade." The eye rolling and head shaking really sent me over the edge. I was so pissed I had to drop everyone out there the rest of the day. So I cranked it up to 14MPH and put the hammer down. I dropped fat women and children first. Then dorks and tri-geeks spinning a cadence of 20rpms. Before that incident Ozenpro and I were waiting for Morgan at one of the stops on the side of the road. We were clearly off to the side and there was tons of room left in the lane. All of a sudden, some woman rides by and yells, "Don't just stop in the middle of the road!" She said it as if we had been riding in front of her and just threw on the brakes. But we had been sitting there for like two minutes. Luckily, my quick witted MS 150 poaching teammate, Ozenpro, says without missing a tick, "Screw you." It was so smooth. Like he was just waiting for her to say something. It was the pro move of the day and it stuck. She didn't want none of us.
Overall, I'd have to say I wish the MS 150 would go to another town. I think charity rides are great, but we're going to need some new charities for local racers who have been assulted by drivers when pissed off motorists take out on us their anger of how some of the MS 150 riders behave. The problem is that all these inexperienced riders come here from out of town and while most ride faily responsibily, some ride like they are immune to being hit by a car, or as if courtesy doesn't apply to you if you're on a charity ride. I saw a pair of guys make a left hand turn right in front of an oncoming car going about 50mph. So here in a couple of weeks I'll be out on that same road with that same guy driving his car. Do you think he'll be thinking, "Oh, that's not the guy who pissed me off and turned right in front of me a couple of weeks ago." Or do you think he'll be saying to himself, "I HATE CYCLISTS! ALL OF THEM!"
I'd have to say that the MS 150 is probably not good for local cycling or cyclists. I'm sure to the public the people who do the MS 150 represent "cycling" and "cyclists" as a whole. I don't think we want most of these people making the impression of cycling for us.
In a nutshell: Charity- good. Charity ride cyclists- not so good.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


School is starting out with a bang! I am expecting much to blog about this year and little to none of it will have to do with riding or racing a bike. Mostly because I quit. I'm sick of crusty old men giving me a beat down everytime I line up. I hate old people. Especially the ones who go fast on bikes with their skinny old bodies lapping mine. I'm not really quitting, but I did take a beating from one man last weekend in one of the last crits of the year for me. Now I only have to take four more beatdowns before I get to relax and just yell at kids all day.
We're having a fund raiser at our school to put phones in each of the rooms. Yesterday the representative for the company who kind of puts on our fundraiser had all the 6th graders in the gym telling them about how it works. Here's one of her first lines to the 10-12 year old kids, "Kids, what's the thing you think about ALLLLL the time?......................And, I'm not talking about SEX!"
"HOLY CRAP! Did she just say that?" That's what all the teachers' faces said as we looked at each other. Then our principal walks to the back of the room and as he's passing us he says under his breath, "Yeah, I'm going to need to talk to her about that." Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but you have to realize that beginning of the year 6th graders are just little kids and when she said that they all just looked at her like she had pulled an axe murderer out of a hat.
Then a couple of days ago I was passing out text books. I was explaining how the books need to be taken care of because they're new and it costs $50.00 to replace one book. A kid raises his hand and says in a real slow low voice, "How about if you use your book as a weapon?" as he picks it up with two hands and pretends to crush the skull of the kid in front of him. "Would you have to pay $50.00 for that?" My reply while all the kids are giving a scared little giggle, "I think we'd have a different problem if that happens."

Saturday, August 26, 2006


I just woke up on my first Saturday of the new school year. I've been back to work for just one week now and I already love Saturday mornings again. You don't really care what day it is when it's summer and you're not working.
I'm sure in no time I'll get to post from the ISS room. So far though kids are being good. It usually takes until about the third week of school for anyone to test the waters of behavior. I don't mind waiting. This year is going to be different though because this is the first year where I've taught all the kids in the school- so being with them in ISS will be easier since I won't be wondering about the temperment of the kid who I'm telling to turn around, be quiet and get to work. You can say that same thing to any kid and get several different results ranging from positive to a reaction that gets that kid another pink slip and a trip to the office. It's not so much what you say as how you say it. We also go new desks in ISS. Pretty nice. You know, the ones with the walls around them so you can't see to you left, right, or front.
Oh yeah, I'm also the new breakfast supervisor. So for 25 minutes each day I stand there and tell kids to hurry up and eat, wipe down your table, push in your chair and get out! It's usually not a position anyone volunteers for, but it was either one person does it and gets paid for doing it plus free breakfast, or everyone gets assigned to do it on a rotating basis and no one gets paid. So I took one for the team. I was going to wind up doing it one way or another so I may as well get paid. It also gets me out of all other before and after school duties.
This blog is dull. What else is going on? I'm hitting golf balls better. Especially since I realized I'm left handed at golf.
One of my friends is supposed to be going to Iraq. Hopefully the deployment won't happen.
Five more races for me including tonight for this year. After that, it's pretty much over for me with football coaching.
I'm hoping to have some good parties for MU football games at our place this fall. If you can't have a good team, you can still have a good time.
Can you name the meat?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Last Saturday I was on a ride with Ozenpro and The Meat. They were telling stories about guys getting their finger caught between the chain and the chainring on their bikes. Sounded terrible. I was actually kind of glad to end that visual at the end of the discussion. So two days ago I got my finger caught between the chain and the chainring. Yeah, that's as bad as I thought it would be. I guess what makes it worse is the fact that all the stories, including my own, happend with a fixed gear bike where no coasting is allowed and fingers don't come out right away. They kind of go in and leave you with the choice to either go all the way around the chainring or stop the wheel and back the finger out the way it came in. I chose backing the finger out. It all happened really quick and blood was on the floor before I could scream, "holyshitgoddamnmotherfucker!"
The story isn't that interesting, I was cleaning my chain with a rag. The rag got caught in the chainring, pulled my finger with it a bit too far, and then the finger goes in between the chainring (fingernail side to the ring) and the chain, and then I get a full puncture through the fingernail with one of the teeth on the chainring. What is interesting is the irony of just having been talking about this very thing happening and having it happen to me. So be careful what you talk about, and if you're around me talk about finding huge wads of money on the side of the road, or eating large amounts of sushi, strangers buying drinks at the bar, whatever. Just keep it positive and painless.
In other news: It's hot outside. Pretty much the way it should be considering it summer. I'm no good at frying chicken but I keep trying. I'm trying again tomorrow night.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

What You've Been Waiting For

Here's the patio then...

Here's the patio now...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Throw Down and Throw Up

I posted about a week ago and then saved it as a draft because there was something else I wanted to add- probably some pics that I didn't ever take. But now everything has changed so I better just post anew. Is that how you spell "anew"?
On the last post I was beginning work on the back patio. Now the patio is almost finished, but I'm not supposed to post pictures until my wife has added her final touches to it. I can say though it's looking real good. I can also say that it's probably taken some years off my life. You know when you start something and then about umm, let's say 40% of the way through you like, "Uh...what am I doing?" It was a big project that got bigger as it went along and as my wife and I started getting more ideas. I have to admit I enjoyed all of it. Even when I went to bed with swollen knees and numb hands. I have a greater appreciation of those who built the pyramids now. On the retaining wall what I thought would take two or three courses of stones wound up taking five. And as far as pavers go for the surface- let's just say they know me by name at Home Depot and after about a week of trips there I started getting credit offers from them because pavers arent cheap. If my back patio was a pile of money in my back yard I'd be sitting out there guarding it with a shotgun. Luckily, I got a break and went here with Leslie.
This is Cannon Beach, Oregon. It's pretty there.

Mostly, we were in Portland, to see friends and to reduce the swelling in my knees. It was a nice break and a great trip except for the return flight where we flew through a thunderstorm and doors started flying open on the plane. No, not the outside doors. Just the ones where they keep all the heavy stuff that falls out when the door comes open. How bad was it? When we were finally getting off the plane while clutching our souls the pilot asked Leslie and me with a grin, "Did you get your money's worth?" Jackass!

So here's a shot of the patio for Butthead.

What do you mean you can't see the patio? It's right there behind the case of the latest feature documentary starring none other than the fat man of cycling. We'll just call him "Tim".
This past weekend Tim won, and I mean hands down won the Tour de Doughnut. How many people were there? Oh, just 700. Tim finished with a NEGATIVE time of 6' and some change because he ate 20 large and shiny doughnuts and still rolled at an average of 26mph for 32 miles. The guy who finished second was 20 minutes behind. You get five minutes off your elapsed time for every doughnut you eat. No, you don't have to keep the doughnuts down and I can attest that I saw the pile of doughnuts on the ground after it was all said and done. Last year there was a film crew there making a movie about the race because it's well, bizzare, stupid, a bad idea, and fun. Tim quickly became the obvious choice for the most interesting participant by doing nothing less than unzipping his jersey and giving his belly a little push out will approaching the masses of doughnuts while pretending he was clocking in before starting to eat. Last year didn't go like we planned. He didn't win. So he came up with a training plan for this year- don't ride, eat as usual, and assemble a group of large men who could push him up the hills and create a draft that an 18 wheeler would appreciate. There were eight of us. I think I was the smallest and really of little use. I did what I could and didn't eat any doughnuts. I did go for the overall nonadjusted time win, but came up short when a few guys who weren't there last year showed up. One of them was a category one racer who lives two towns over from Staunton, IL, where the race was held. So I got fourth. Not bad, but I wanted the sweep of the adjusted time for Tim and the nonadjusted time for me. Nonetheless, I did come home with a copy of the movie and we're going to have a party for a local showing of the movie. So keep your calendar open because all are invited- and I mean all. This movie is not yet rated so I don't know if we can have kids over. It is somewhat graphic.
So I guess that's it for now. More patio photo soon. Hopefully some with you in them enjoying a pint of your favorite. No lemonade Butthead. You come on my patio and you're drinking beer.

Thursday, June 22, 2006


Probably no one will ever read this because it's been so long since I last updated that anyone who wastes their time reading this blog has given up on the posibility of me updating. But I've been busy and the only reason I'm updating now is because I honestly have nothing better to do. This is the first night in several that I'm not working on something around the house until dark. Considering I felt like going to bed at 6:00 tonight I figured I'd just sit for a minute and update this can.
As far as news goes, I've been out of school now for a month and I'm loving it. It's really cool getting up early and sitting on my front porch drinking coffee while watching everyone drive off to work. Riding and racing have taken a back seat this summer because I'm catching up on several years of not having a yard of my own to work on and change into what I want it to be. It's my new obsession. After I get done with big projects around here and move to the maintaining stage, I'll probably pick the bike back up more. It's just not too important to me right now. Of course there's golf too. I'm wanting to start playing that and I have zero experience so that may begin soon.
Here's some pics of what I've been recently working on: This is the old front porch area.
This is the new front porch area. It was a cool project. It's weird how many people stopped by to check out the work and comment on how good it looks. Our postman even stopped, got out of his mailtruck, and came over to check it out. Neato.
Here's the new project on the back. It's still in progress. This is the back patio as it was. Not bad, but kind of in need of some work.

This is the sketch layout of what the size and shape of the new patio will be. About twice the size and with a retaining wall. It will be much better for parties. We also have a deck in the back and I'm going to build a walkway going out to it. That will be right after the patio is finished.

So for other news. My back hurts, one of my cats spent the night in the garage last night. She got out there somehow last night and we didn't know it until this morning. When she came in our other cat was freaked out and hissed at her for about two hours. He probably figured she was out on the town all night messing around on him with other cats. I rode in the rain today. Haven't done that in a while. It started pouring when I was about two blocks away from home. I was already getting wet, so what the hell?
The Tour de Doughnut is in about two weeks and the movie about the race comes out about the same time. Should be funny. Here's a link to the race info.
Bye bye.

Friday, May 19, 2006


I like reading everyone's blogs. Wish I knew how to link everyone's to mine. I know not so much about dees tings.
When I care less- I like it more. Something I'm realizing. Like the Chili Pepper lyrics about Magic Johnson's basketball talent, "Other teams play for G's but he don't give a fuck."
Tomorrow is our housewarming party. Most of the outside of our house is new now: new roof, new gutters, new siding all the way around. Thanks Mr. Hail Storm.
Dealing with insurance claims sucks. Over the course of our claim, we had four adjusters. None of which knew what the previous one had done really. So my part-time job for the past month and a half or so has been calling State Farm and then calling my contractor, then calling State Farm and back again.
Uh...when kids make themselves vomit in ISS for entertainment- it's time to go home for the year. That happened the hour before I got here luckily because it would have made me puke too. That is nasty.
I wrote a kid up today for going around hitting other kids with what was basically a weedeater string. He hit one kid in the face. I feel bad for the kid because he has a jacked up homelife from what I can tell- basically no supervision. He's getting in trouble around town with the cops too, so things aren't looking very good for him. Anyway, he's done for the year. We only have 2.5 days of school left. He won't be here for them.
Some people are racing this weekend and going up some sick climb at the end. Good luck.
Prozenberger is racing his mountain bike this weekend in town. Last time I went out to watch a race at Cosmo, I wore what I had been hunting in that morning and when people came by I screamed at them with my deer call while hiding in the woods. That was pretty fun. This year I will just wear a distracing costume and wait for a response. I told Prozenberger I was going to wear one of these.

Just kidding.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Return of Hotdog Neck

4 days of school left. I have never felt so blown out from a school year as I do this year. I am just done and holding on by a very thin thread. Over the past 5 days or so, there has been a full crew in ISS everyday. We're talking 12-14 bad attitudes stuffed into a room that is about 20' X 10'. That causes a lot of tension. Luckily, today when I walked in there were only two guys in here- one of them was 'ole Hotdog Neck- the kid who got in trouble for calling another kid "hotdog neck". He's actually not much of a kid. He's taller than I am and looks more like a man. He's a real good athlete too. This past year in football I saw him break upwards of seven tackles on some plays. I know you're thinking that's no big deal because it's only middle school football, but I'm telling you that most of the 8th graders are much more like high schooler than little kids. We have this one 8th grader who's into lifting weights and goes up to the high school and benches like 250 lbs. They all shave and their ugly. But I digress.
On my way to ISS I was thinking about the student I'm calling "hotdog neck". I hadn't seen him in trouble in a while and I was glad because he was getting in trouble a lot lately. So I walk into ISS and look who's there, old Hotdog Neck himself. I just started laughing because it was so ironic. He turns and looks at me and starts kind of snickering and shaking his head because he know's I'm going to give him some hell.
"What's up Hotdog Neck?"
"Aw man."
It goes on for a while and then I get this great idea. I pull up a picture of what I tell him is going to be his first car when he gets a little older and call him over to see it...

"Aw man."

Sunday, May 14, 2006

How good am I at racing bikes?

Well, I don't want to brag but... checkmeout
I had planned and registered for the Joe Martin Stage Race in Arkansas. For me, probably the most expensive race weekend of the year. I was "banking" on certain funds being available to go to that race, and there was no way I was going without those certain funds. Those certain funds alluded me. Chasing money is hard sometimes. Needless to say, I didn't make it to Joe Martin. Apparently it didn't matter because I still did well down there for the Friday stage of 110 miles. I was unaware of my results until Saturday morning when I received a sleepy voicemail from one of my teammates who is down at the race in person. He says, "Hey, you need to get down here for today's stage. Right now, you're sitting in 36 place overall. You're money." So I figure he's probably just kidding and making fun of me for noting being there. I get on the old intronet and check the results from Friday's stage. Sure enough,there I am finishing with the lead group. Damn, I'm pretty good. I hope I do that good in the following stages- my teammate is expecting a payout.
To complicate, appreciate, anticipate and deviate even more, yesterday I get a call from another one of my teammates and he starts reading me the above Velonews article. I never knew not racing would be so much fun. Just think how much fun it must be for the guys who do it for real- and on someone else's nickel.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Reasons I hate clowns

I have hated clowns for a long time. I know I'm not the only one who hates clowns. I think they're hiding something behind that makeup- whatever it is they're hiding is something bad. Here's an example of clowns hurting someone.

I'm not even sure this picture is appropriate for this blog. That's sick! Sick clowns!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A slow news day?

this is news?
Man, if that's news, I have front page stuff to report on a daily basis. For instance, between 2nd and 3rd hour today, while I'm standing in the hall "supervising", a kid slaps another kid on the back of the neck for no reason. Just reaches out and lays the smack down. It was loud too. Like snapping a towel. As you can probably guess the slapper got sent to ISS. The "slappie" fell to the floor crying and holding his neck. Now I don't know if he was putting on a show or what, but I can say he wound up getting picked up by his parents and taken to the hospital because he apparently couldn't turn his head.
Or how about this: There were so many kids in ISS today it was standing room only. It was a record for the time I'm in there. We've had it full, but never standing room only.
We have 9.5 days of school left.
We're having a party at our place on the 20th. If you're reading this you're invited: Butthead, Greenbeans, Bolt-on, Peeps of CX, Mr. Trek Rep, and of course those who got an invitation in the mail. I know some of your are racing, but some of you aren't. If you are racing- reconsider. Racing is overrated and costs too much. You look like a sissy in those tight shorts and no one wants to see your manscape in lycra. Parties are underrated and the stories that come from good parties are better than the best racing stories.
That's the news.

Monday, May 08, 2006

A Rainbow of Redneck color

Columbia is a strange town. We're small enough to have big redneck hics and big enough to have enough diversity that lots of people feel good about hanging the rainbow coalition flag outside their door. It seems on some rides you experince all the rednecks- screaming at you, sometimes throwing beer bottles, screaming at you, swerving towards you, screaming at you... I hate those rides. I get home feeling lucky to be alive. Then somedays it's like every one you encounter is waving and smiling like you're some friend of theirs. I don't know what determines one day from the next on who you're going to meet up with, but a couple of days ago I got the ultimate mix.
I'm out riding, everything going fine, and I had just turned into a nice tailwind. All of a sudden I look up and there's a monster truck 4X4 in my lane headed straight for me. It was close enough I was just about to take the ditch when he swerved back to his side. So as he passed I did what I shouldn't do and gave him the finger. He and his buddy were smiling and laughing. I guess he didn't realize that "shit happens" and although he probably didn't have any true intention of hitting me, he could have easily killed me with a small miscalculation of throttle or wheel. That's like putting a gun to your head that you're 100% sure isn't loaded and blowing your brains out. Oops! So I was pissed and reacted. Probably a mistake because I quickly realized he could easily turn around and come back for the kill since I had nowhere to hide or run. It was just open ground. I kept riding and looking over my shoulder and decided I better get off the road. I hopped on the trail and started making my way home. It was cool because I hadn't been on the trail since winter. I'm just riding along and thinking about the incident when I notice my ride is getting really comfortable and cushy. Mostly flat tired feel that way. I wasn't worried or pissed at this point. I was just happy to be alive- besides, I wasn't far from town and I was just crusing at this point. I pull over and start to change my flat. Tools out, wheel off, in the shade. The first flat I've had on this particular bike. I'm in the middle of pulling out the flat tube when I hear, "Hey, you got a problem?" I'm thinking, "By words, that sounds like it could be a redneck with a tire iron ready to bash in my head. But the tone says, "Need some help?"" I look up and it's the freakin' Mayor of Columbia. Just an aside- have you ever noticed he looks like Alfred E. Neuman? Not making fun of him- just an observation. To make a long story longer, he just checked to see if I needed anything. I told him I had what I needed and thanks- so he rolled on. Nice of him to stop though huh? Columbia has it all.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Yo Blahbo In Ma Blago

Don't even trip. New and improved. I just keep laughing at the name. My Bike Sucks was played out and Dan changed Your Bike Sucks, so I had to venture out on my own.
I only have a minute, but I can tell one quicky: I'm sitting here in ISS as usual for 5th hour, and one of the kids in here got three days ISS for calling another kid, "Hot Dog Neck!" Apparently, if you tilt your head back and make the skin roll up, it looks like a pack of hot dogs.