Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Last Saturday I was on a ride with Ozenpro and The Meat. They were telling stories about guys getting their finger caught between the chain and the chainring on their bikes. Sounded terrible. I was actually kind of glad to end that visual at the end of the discussion. So two days ago I got my finger caught between the chain and the chainring. Yeah, that's as bad as I thought it would be. I guess what makes it worse is the fact that all the stories, including my own, happend with a fixed gear bike where no coasting is allowed and fingers don't come out right away. They kind of go in and leave you with the choice to either go all the way around the chainring or stop the wheel and back the finger out the way it came in. I chose backing the finger out. It all happened really quick and blood was on the floor before I could scream, "holyshitgoddamnmotherfucker!"
The story isn't that interesting, I was cleaning my chain with a rag. The rag got caught in the chainring, pulled my finger with it a bit too far, and then the finger goes in between the chainring (fingernail side to the ring) and the chain, and then I get a full puncture through the fingernail with one of the teeth on the chainring. What is interesting is the irony of just having been talking about this very thing happening and having it happen to me. So be careful what you talk about, and if you're around me talk about finding huge wads of money on the side of the road, or eating large amounts of sushi, strangers buying drinks at the bar, whatever. Just keep it positive and painless.
In other news: It's hot outside. Pretty much the way it should be considering it summer. I'm no good at frying chicken but I keep trying. I'm trying again tomorrow night.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

What You've Been Waiting For

Here's the patio then...

Here's the patio now...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Throw Down and Throw Up

I posted about a week ago and then saved it as a draft because there was something else I wanted to add- probably some pics that I didn't ever take. But now everything has changed so I better just post anew. Is that how you spell "anew"?
On the last post I was beginning work on the back patio. Now the patio is almost finished, but I'm not supposed to post pictures until my wife has added her final touches to it. I can say though it's looking real good. I can also say that it's probably taken some years off my life. You know when you start something and then about umm, let's say 40% of the way through you like, "Uh...what am I doing?" It was a big project that got bigger as it went along and as my wife and I started getting more ideas. I have to admit I enjoyed all of it. Even when I went to bed with swollen knees and numb hands. I have a greater appreciation of those who built the pyramids now. On the retaining wall what I thought would take two or three courses of stones wound up taking five. And as far as pavers go for the surface- let's just say they know me by name at Home Depot and after about a week of trips there I started getting credit offers from them because pavers arent cheap. If my back patio was a pile of money in my back yard I'd be sitting out there guarding it with a shotgun. Luckily, I got a break and went here with Leslie.
This is Cannon Beach, Oregon. It's pretty there.

Mostly, we were in Portland, to see friends and to reduce the swelling in my knees. It was a nice break and a great trip except for the return flight where we flew through a thunderstorm and doors started flying open on the plane. No, not the outside doors. Just the ones where they keep all the heavy stuff that falls out when the door comes open. How bad was it? When we were finally getting off the plane while clutching our souls the pilot asked Leslie and me with a grin, "Did you get your money's worth?" Jackass!

So here's a shot of the patio for Butthead.

What do you mean you can't see the patio? It's right there behind the case of the latest feature documentary starring none other than the fat man of cycling. We'll just call him "Tim".
This past weekend Tim won, and I mean hands down won the Tour de Doughnut. How many people were there? Oh, just 700. Tim finished with a NEGATIVE time of 6' and some change because he ate 20 large and shiny doughnuts and still rolled at an average of 26mph for 32 miles. The guy who finished second was 20 minutes behind. You get five minutes off your elapsed time for every doughnut you eat. No, you don't have to keep the doughnuts down and I can attest that I saw the pile of doughnuts on the ground after it was all said and done. Last year there was a film crew there making a movie about the race because it's well, bizzare, stupid, a bad idea, and fun. Tim quickly became the obvious choice for the most interesting participant by doing nothing less than unzipping his jersey and giving his belly a little push out will approaching the masses of doughnuts while pretending he was clocking in before starting to eat. Last year didn't go like we planned. He didn't win. So he came up with a training plan for this year- don't ride, eat as usual, and assemble a group of large men who could push him up the hills and create a draft that an 18 wheeler would appreciate. There were eight of us. I think I was the smallest and really of little use. I did what I could and didn't eat any doughnuts. I did go for the overall nonadjusted time win, but came up short when a few guys who weren't there last year showed up. One of them was a category one racer who lives two towns over from Staunton, IL, where the race was held. So I got fourth. Not bad, but I wanted the sweep of the adjusted time for Tim and the nonadjusted time for me. Nonetheless, I did come home with a copy of the movie and we're going to have a party for a local showing of the movie. So keep your calendar open because all are invited- and I mean all. This movie is not yet rated so I don't know if we can have kids over. It is somewhat graphic.
So I guess that's it for now. More patio photo soon. Hopefully some with you in them enjoying a pint of your favorite. No lemonade Butthead. You come on my patio and you're drinking beer.